Another year has come and gone. I am grateful to be done with 2009 yet fearful for what may come in 2010. As so many of you know, my family and I have had our fair share of trials in the last few years. (And in this economy, believe me, I know we are certainly not the only family that has fallen on hard times). My mom's long term sickness, her death, and her medical bills led to a financial battle and a fight to keep our home. Through this lengthy struggle, I have found that my biggest loss was hope. Without hope, there is nothing to look forward to.
As this fresh and new year starts, I am making every attempt to meet it head on with a positive slant and a faithful heart.
Normally, I wouldn't broadcast my "resolutions" on a public forum. But...under my personal circumstances, I have decided to list my hopes and goals for the new year right here on my blog. Right here where everyone can see them and comment if they like. My hope is that the "public-ness" will help to keep my sight on this new path...
1. To be the best mom that I can.
I don't think I need to comment on this, as it's quite an obvious goal.
2. To be the best wife that I can.
Ditto on this comment.
3. Have faith and be positive.
This will be my biggest hurdle. I have found that I am sometimes more fearful than faithful. Afraid of what God has "in store" for us this year. In order to conquer those fears, I must learn to be positive. This is a huge order for me.
4. Make and sale more art.
I am determined to make this come true. With our finances looking up a bit, that means I'll be able to spend less time working in my vintage photo shop and more time to invest in art.
5. Finally and truly start writing my children's book.
Writing children's books has been a dream of mine since I was a child myself. Over the years I have dabbled with it and I have so many ideas on paper. Now...I need to take it serious and really get started.
6. Work harder on getting my art published.
My fear of criticism and complete lack of confidence has made it very difficult for me to persue publication. I was published twice in 2009. There are several magazines that I would love to be published in. This year, I will submit more art.
7. Get our finances in order.
I am so hopeful that this year we will finally be able to find a realistic budget, and pay back every single person that we owe money to. So very many folks helped us out while my mom was sick...now, it's time to pay up.
8. Start my morning walks again and eat healthier.
For years, I briskly walked 3 miles each morning with weights. My food choices were very healthy as well. While taking care of my mom, I wasn't able to leave her at home alone, and I got out of the habit of walking. With no extra time or money to plan out healthy meals, I allowed myself to make poor food choices as well. I don't like the way I feel or look when I don't take care of myself. It's time to get healthy again.
9. Keep my home inviting and in order.
With the loss of hope, so came the loss of order. When you get up in the morning feeling like there's nothing to live for, the last thing on your mind is laundry and dusting. Before this horrible time in our lives, my home was very orderly and fun and inviting. It will be again.
10. Bring my garden back to life.
I have been a gardener all of my life. My mom taught me. It's been a part of who I am forever. Over the course of the last few years, my gardens have gone from lush and colorful patches of Heaven on earth, to nothing more than dirt and sticks. This year, I will get my gardens back.
11. Conquer my guilt.
I have lived in a constant state of guilt since the day that I had to move my mom out of my home and into a Board and Care. I am always wondering if maybe I had been able to take care of her myself, she would have lived longer or died differently. This will be one of my greatest hurdles.
12. Let J go.
J is my neighbor. She lives directly across the street from me. Two and a half years ago we were very good friends. We both liked antiques and vintage photos and lots of other "stuff". We got into a squabble over something that I let brew too long without mentioning. When I finally opened my mouth, I spoke with hurt feelings. I have apologized. I wrote a letter to her apologizing for my actions and thanking her for all of her kindness through the years. She won't accept my apology. I know that at one point, I would have literally gone down on my knees to beg for her forgiveness. To grovel. My husband says that even if I beg, she won't forgive me. So...after grieving over this loss for 2-1/2 years, I am ready to let J go. She knows in her heart that I would do anything for her and her family.
Well....I think that just about covers it. I am hopeful that these goals are attainable. It took me weeks to put things in perspective and make this list. I am determined to make this a better year.
Thanks so much for reading my list.
Gerushia's New World