Monday, January 4, 2010

Hopes and Goals For The New Year.

Another year has come and gone. I am grateful to be done with 2009 yet fearful for what may come in 2010. As so many of you know, my family and I have had our fair share of trials in the last few years. (And in this economy, believe me, I know we are certainly not the only family that has fallen on hard times). My mom's long term sickness, her death, and her medical bills led to a financial battle and a fight to keep our home. Through this lengthy struggle, I have found that my biggest loss was hope. Without hope, there is nothing to look forward to.

As this fresh and new year starts, I am making every attempt to meet it head on with a positive slant and a faithful heart.

Normally, I wouldn't broadcast my "resolutions" on a public forum. But...under my personal circumstances, I have decided to list my hopes and goals for the new year right here on my blog. Right here where everyone can see them and comment if they like. My hope is that the "public-ness" will help to keep my sight on this new path...

1. To be the best mom that I can.

I don't think I need to comment on this, as it's quite an obvious goal.

2. To be the best wife that I can.

Ditto on this comment.

3. Have faith and be positive.

This will be my biggest hurdle. I have found that I am sometimes more fearful than faithful. Afraid of what God has "in store" for us this year. In order to conquer those fears, I must learn to be positive. This is a huge order for me.

4. Make and sale more art.

I am determined to make this come true. With our finances looking up a bit, that means I'll be able to spend less time working in my vintage photo shop and more time to invest in art.

5. Finally and truly start writing my children's book.

Writing children's books has been a dream of mine since I was a child myself. Over the years I have dabbled with it and I have so many ideas on paper. Now...I need to take it serious and really get started.

6. Work harder on getting my art published.

My fear of criticism and complete lack of confidence has made it very difficult for me to persue publication. I was published twice in 2009. There are several magazines that I would love to be published in. This year, I will submit more art.

7. Get our finances in order.

I am so hopeful that this year we will finally be able to find a realistic budget, and pay back every single person that we owe money to. So very many folks helped us out while my mom was, it's time to pay up.

8. Start my morning walks again and eat healthier.

For years, I briskly walked 3 miles each morning with weights. My food choices were very healthy as well. While taking care of my mom, I wasn't able to leave her at home alone, and I got out of the habit of walking. With no extra time or money to plan out healthy meals, I allowed myself to make poor food choices as well. I don't like the way I feel or look when I don't take care of myself. It's time to get healthy again.

9. Keep my home inviting and in order.

With the loss of hope, so came the loss of order. When you get up in the morning feeling like there's nothing to live for, the last thing on your mind is laundry and dusting. Before this horrible time in our lives, my home was very orderly and fun and inviting. It will be again.

10. Bring my garden back to life.

I have been a gardener all of my life. My mom taught me. It's been a part of who I am forever. Over the course of the last few years, my gardens have gone from lush and colorful patches of Heaven on earth, to nothing more than dirt and sticks. This year, I will get my gardens back.

11. Conquer my guilt.

I have lived in a constant state of guilt since the day that I had to move my mom out of my home and into a Board and Care. I am always wondering if maybe I had been able to take care of her myself, she would have lived longer or died differently. This will be one of my greatest hurdles.

12. Let J go.

J is my neighbor. She lives directly across the street from me. Two and a half years ago we were very good friends. We both liked antiques and vintage photos and lots of other "stuff". We got into a squabble over something that I let brew too long without mentioning. When I finally opened my mouth, I spoke with hurt feelings. I have apologized. I wrote a letter to her apologizing for my actions and thanking her for all of her kindness through the years. She won't accept my apology. I know that at one point, I would have literally gone down on my knees to beg for her forgiveness. To grovel. My husband says that even if I beg, she won't forgive me. So...after grieving over this loss for 2-1/2 years, I am ready to let J go. She knows in her heart that I would do anything for her and her family.

Well....I think that just about covers it. I am hopeful that these goals are attainable. It took me weeks to put things in perspective and make this list. I am determined to make this a better year.

Thanks so much for reading my list.

Gerushia's New World


Manon Doyle said...

I love your list Kim!! Attainable for sure! I think your friend is silly not to forgive and forget. The worst thing people do is carry around hatred and grudges.... it's not good for the soul!

Theresa @ 612Riverside said...

Kim, wow what a list... completely attainable though. From the first time I saw your work I thought that you would be someone that I would want to know, I'm sure that's true for others as well. I lost my mom this year too and I miss her everyday. I'm sure that your mom knew that the decisions you made came from love for her. The gardening gene that she bequeathed to you is a testiment of her love for you. As you work in your garden this year I hope that it will help you heal and have her close. I hope this is your best year to date and that your family and your art can help you conquer all the stuff on your list. God Bless ~ Theresa

Courtney Price said...

Your artwork is TOTALLY publishable! I would love to see it anywhere and childrens' books would be fabulous as well :)

We share so many of the same goals! It's amazing. #12 hit close to home... I had an eerily similar experience this year. Boy does it ever hurt.

La Dolce Vita said...

ok great list, can I just comment that for me #3 which is the toughest one posted, when practiced will take care of all the others!
and J is the one suffering, not you. forgiveness is a powerful thing. one of my favorite quotes :
I used to hold grudges, but then I noticed a man I held a grudge with walking down the street whistling happily and I realized that I was only hurting myself.
You can do it!!! great list!!!

Carol Anne Strange said...

A very positive list, Kim, and I believe you can do it! Keep hope bright like a light burning inside you. I wish you all that you wish for. Much love. x

Vida19 said...

Bless you for the bravery to tell the truth about pain and sadness. So many things now are so candied up. I know we are supposed to keep our chin up but it can't be healthy to disregard difficulties when we all have them and need to share.

You are so right to put them out there. I feel like being so human and so forthright about it is encouraging to all. We need some pure truth right now. Good for you.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and you just GO! You have survived so much you should never lack confidence in yourself. Rock On Girl!

art-and-ghosts said...

I like to think that the achievement of completing even one of these resolutions would be a remarkably positive catalyst for mastering the others. I too have suffered some dreadful experiences in the past (different to yours, of course), and the will to survive them is surprisingly most of the battle won. Your honesty to yourself above all tells me that you are ready to face those difficult things, and i have a strong feeling that you can do it.

I wish you much strength and faith for the coming year, Kim. And remember, rarely does one door close without a new one opening up.


jen said...

I hope you find much peace and happiness in 2010! I'm sorry you had such a rough year last year, but I know you can conquer it all.

Amy. said...

A great list Kim. I hope you are happy with each ACHIEVEMENT!!

Abby Creek Art said...

Hi Kim, those are inspiring resolutions. I could just copy most of them down and do the same!

Hope this New Year is a much better year for you, filled with goodness, lots of love...and something magical thrown in. xox